I was never taught boundaries and had to learn my lessons the hard way. Many of you are likely in a similar position. We are taught to be mindful of others, but not ourselves, which results in negativity and resentment towards ourselves, which then gets projected outward.
So, what is a boundary? A personal boundary (according to Google) is ‘the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.’
Let’s take this a little further. Boundaries could be described as integrity with yourself first, and others as a result - not the other way around, which is typically how we are taught. We are taught to put others first, but this is flawed. Integrity starts with you, and your experience with the outer world is always a mirror. If you don’t love and honor yourself, how are you able to truly and authentically do so for anyone else?
With boundaries, we make Self-honoring choices that end up resulting in our highest good. Many of us were trained to make choices that benefit others, but at the cost of betraying ourselves.
This is a learned behavior, based on experiences we have gone through in our lives. In our society, it is common to interpret healthy boundaries as rejection. Many people become offended or feel insulted by someone else putting up a boundary, but all this indicates is that they don’t have a good relationship with themselves. Remember, everyone is operating at their own level of consciousness.
A person who has a healthy relationship with boundaries will hear and honor your boundaries. They will not judge you, call you selfish, gaslight you, or attempt to make you feel bad in any way. A person with a healthy relationship with boundaries will respect yours and honor you, and at times, may even thank you for teaching them more about the power of boundaries.
Boundaries are absolutely essential to creating a happy, healthy relationship that lasts, with yourself and others. When we don’t set boundaries, we betray ourselves and thereby create subconscious resentment and negativity. Eventually, that negativity gets projected outwards and onto other people - and that never ends well.
Of course, some people won’t respond well to you setting boundaries. While this can be unpleasant, someone that won’t respect your boundaries may no longer be serving your highest purpose anymore. Honoring yourSelf will reveal the people in your life that will honor you, too. Like I said, everything is a mirror.
When I started setting boundaries, some people couldn't handle it, and that’s okay. I am worthy of loving and honoring mySelf, and you are too.
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Cam Kashani, Inspirational Speaker and Divine Feminine Leadership Coach