What other people do or say has nothing to do with you.
When I was a kid, I took everything personally. Probably until my early 30s, when I started doing work on myself. I thought everything someone said or did meant something about me. I was severely bullied as a kid - for being fat, for being an immigrant, for everything, and of course, I took it personally. I hated the way people treated me and wondered why they were so mean, but I also wondered: what was wrong with me?
In my mind, the behavior of my bullies sparked the idea that I wasn’t enough, or that I didn’t belong. Little did I know that my bullies were projecting their own pain and anger onto me, and as a quiet, non-confrontational child, I didn’t know how to stand up for myself.
I held onto this belief for a really long time.
Our worldview is profoundly shaped by the experiences we have as children, and when we don’t take the time to do the work to overcome early trauma and shame, we end up feeling like a scared little kid in an adult body. When I was a little older and started dating, feeling like I wasn’t enough came up again and again. Yes, I was cheated on, and at that moment I felt like there was something wrong with me.
Someone who cheats has a lack of self-worth and a lack of self-love. Some people might try to make you think they were just ‘really horny’, but let’s get down to the truth of it: a cheater fears full intimacy and being seen for who they are because they do not love themselves or feel worthy. Sadly, it is usually the person who is cheated on that begins to think that something is wrong with them, and it harms their self-worth. Well guess what: it has nothing to do with you.
Other people treating you badly is indicative of their unresolved trauma and their level of consciousness, not yours. You have nothing to do with it. It isn’t personal.
When you can let go of the need to assign hidden meaning to other people’s actions, you can begin to view the world with neutrality. To be able to observe and listen without taking anything personally can give you so much power, and can give you the chance to experience the world without pain or hurt.
How can you begin to work with your inner child? When a trigger comes up, when someone says or does something that takes you to a place of sadness or anger, you must address it head-on. Acknowledge the pain you are experiencing, then try to grant yourself forgiveness to release your pain. Nothing will mess with you anymore: Healing will make you un-fuck-with-able.
Heal your shit so you will be able to see that other people’s shit is just their unresolved trauma. Heal. Forgive. Let go.
Learn about self-liberation, empowerment, consciousness, and healing your inner child by listening to Episode 4 of the Cam Kashani Show.