This is a very vulnerable topic for me, but I feel the call to share because maybe it'll help one of you out there.
I was sexually abused by a distant family member from the ages of 2 - 8 but had no recollection of the events until very recently. My mind had completely shut out the abuse, protecting me from the weight of the pain. However, while my memories of the abuse were hidden away, I still expressed trauma-based behaviors, and my life as I grew up was constantly impacted by my inner child who was still actively holding on to her trauma. Now, I’m able to talk about the abuse because I have done the work to heal my inner child.
As a society, we are conditioned not to pay attention to trauma-based behaviors, and to simply go through life as though it is normal to go through trauma every day. As kids, we are taught that it is normal to be abused, which only leads to us abusing ourselves as we get older. Without healing, we learn to cope on our own and learn to disconnect from ourselves and our bodies as a way of avoiding pain. I myself struggled with addiction and abusive behavior towards myself for years because I was in pain.
Humans all go through trauma - whether it is sexual abuse, neglect, physical trauma, or something else, we all experience trauma. Even though trauma is universal, no one does anything to teach you how to heal from it. Why? Why are we expected to devote years to learning geometry and quick facts about history when we are all suffering and in pain? What’s the point of living life disconnected from your true Self?
Who decided that it was normal to be traumatized?
The abuse I experienced manifested in so many other negative, self-loathing behaviors as well. I was an addict, I struggled with self-hatred, I was suicidal in my teenage years, and so on. SUPER vulnerable share: Every man I interacted with until I remembered my abuse was a trauma response. That's a big statement, and it is absolutely true. Until I remembered and healed, I was operating from my trauma mind, and had no idea.
Once I began to heal and take my power back, I was able to become who I was truly created to be. Once I remembered the abuse, it was like a missing puzzle piece had suddenly appeared. It was painful, but it was also illuminating because I suddenly understood so much of mySelf and my past.
Trauma leaves you feeling powerless with pieces of you scattered across various spaces and places, leaving you fractured and outside of yourself. Before I began to heal from my trauma, I was not fully in my body. Once I healed and did the work, I called my power back, and today I am fully in my body. Today, when someone tries to make me do something I don’t want to do, I can call on every part of myself to take on whoever or whatever comes my way. It’s no longer the trauma making decisions, it’s ME.
Once I stop healing, I stop growing.
I am so proud of you for still standing and still going despite what you have gone through. The fact that you are here, now, means you are ready to begin healing.
Healing is a sacred journey, and a beautiful one that brings you into the truth of who you are. We don't deserve to live in our trauma body, we deserve to live in our healed body. <3
It's time for us, as a collective to call our power back, heal, and be fully in our bodies. We deserve it.
So an invitation I will leave you with:
Were you abused in some way? Was your power taken away? You can call it back now. And what would be possible if you no longer identified yourself as someone who was abused? But instead as a divine fucking warrior and survivor that was able to take what happened, and brought yourSelf even closer to the truth of who you are.
I love you.
Sacred Queen Embodiment Guide